Anxious

I found out today that an acquaintance had miscarried. She was not as far along in her pregnancy as I am – still in her first trimester. I feel horrible for her and freaked out for myself.

And enter our old friend Anxiety. I realized that now that the Never-Ending Nausea has, well, ended, I don’t have much day-to-day proof that the baby is okay. I have felt Fetal Blah move once, a few days ago (even though it is allegedly too early to tell, but they say after your first pregnancy you are more familiar with what it feels like, so you feel it earlier). I just continue to grow out of my clothes, obsess over food*, and fall into the Sleep of the Dead as soon as I sit down on my living room couch. Fortunately, I have a doctor’s appointment this Friday, at which she will no doubt Spike the Anxiety by discussing my advanced maternal age and mentioning things like amniocentesis, but Temper the Anxiety by bombarding Fetal Blah with sound waves allowing me to see Fetal Blah waving his/her flippers/mooning us via ultrasound. Will report back.

*A side note: many of the young women in my office have been telling me they are “SO jealous” that “you can eat whatever you want” because I’m pregnant. I find this kind of sad and oddly twisted. When I am not pregnant, I eat fairly healthfully – lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, lean meats when I eat meat, and whole grains. But when I want ice cream, I have ice cream. When I want a cookie, I have a cookie. I don’t eat junk every day, but I do think life is too short to guilt-trip myself over the occasional cupcake. However, I have never been the type of person who is capable of eating a whole box of Oreos at one sitting. I am just not wired that way.

What I have come to understand is that to these friends of mine, it appears that I eat all day long now that I am pregnant. I do, because I am hungry. But more often than not, I am having a cup of decaf and a bagel at 9:00AM, leftover rice, chicken and salad at noon, and then a container of yogurt and/or a granola bar or an apple at 2:30 in the afternoon. I’m not eating hot fudge sundaes all day long. Mmm, sundaes…

Hey, speaking of which, if you missed Ben and Jerry’s Free Ice Cream Day yesterday, today is Baskin Robbins’ 31 Cent Scoop Night (from 5pm-10pm) at your local participating franchise.